Self-Regulation: Emotional Regulation

Children are developing the ability to manage their own emotional experiences through co-regulation, as they communicate needs to caregivers.

Indicators for children include:

• Signals needs by sounds and movement
• Able to use cues to signal overstimulation, e.g., turns head, gaze aversion
• Begins to use self-soothing strategies, e.g., sucks on hands, grasps an object in order to calm self
• Vocalizes and uses facial cues to get caregiver’s attention, e.g., cries, gazes, initiates eye contact

Strategies for interaction

• Remain emotionally available for the child; respond thoughtfully to their needs, e.g., hold, rock, and cuddle the child when distressed
• Respond to the child’s signals in order to meet their needs
• Pay attention to subtle cues from the child in order to prevent overstimulation and discomfort
• Recognize and control own emotions in challenging instances, e.g., a crying child who will not calm down

As children continue to depend on and learn from caregivers, they begin to use more purposeful and complex skills in managing their emotions.

Indicators for children include:

• Communicates needs to an adult, e.g., points, shakes head
• Able to self-soothe more effectively, e.g., sucks thumb, holds on to stuffed toy
• Uses social referencing in uncertain situations, e.g., looks at a caregiver’s face for reassurance in the presence of a new person
• Prefers physical proximity to familiar adults in unknown situations, e.g., follows caregiver when he or she leaves the room
• Seeks out caregiver through physical actions, e.g., reaches for the caregiver’s hand or moves closer to them when frightened
• Uses comfort objects, e.g., a stuffed animal or blanket, to help calm down

Strategies for interaction

• Respond thoughtfully to child’s needs, e.g., reassure child who is feeling uncertain through facial expressions, voice, and touch
• Model appropriate expression of emotions for the child
• Be aware and responsive to the child’s needs; read the child’s facial cues and body language to help gauge what he/she may be feeling
• Match the child’s emotional state through facial expressions and body language, e.g., widen eyes and move up and down when the child starts to laugh and clap
• Provide child with comfort objects when upset, or during difficult times such as transitions, e.g., a blanket, favorite stuffed animal
• Ensure to always say good-bye when separating from the child

Children begin to recognize a specific range of emotions and manage their emotions through both the use of advanced soothing strategies and the use of their caregiver.

Indicators for children include:

• Uses caregiver’s facial cues and body language to assist in novel and uncertain situations, e.g., sees a dog for the first time and uses the adult’s smile as a cue to cautiously pat the dog
• Uses play to sort out feelings and gain control over them, e.g., projects feeling onto an object, grasps a ball and hugs it tightly to chest when excited
• Uses verbal and nonverbal communication to signal the need for their caregiver, e.g., calls by name, crawls into a familiar adult’s lap
• Names some emotions, e.g., “me sad”
• Begins to use “private speech” in order to assist in regulating their emotions, e.g., utters “bear, where is bear” to self

Strategies for interaction

• Remain physically and emotionally available for the child; respond thoughtfully to their requests
• Describe feelings when interacting with children
• Use books that illustrate different emotions that children may experience
• Provide sensitive guidance and reassurance to the child when he or she is having difficulty managing and expressing emotions

While children still need support from a caregiver, they are able to better manage their emotions and can sustain regulation as they begin to discriminate which skills and strategies to apply in different situations.

Indicators for children include:

• Communicates wants and needs verbally, e.g. “pick me up”
• Engages in pretend play to manage uncertainty and fear, e.g., plays doctor and gives someone a “shot”
• Seeks caregiver support when feeling overwhelmed by emotion; may reject support as well
• Expresses emotions through the use of play
• Holds on to a special object during certain times of the day, e.g., blanket, picture, book, stuffed toy

Strategies for interaction

• Remain physically and emotionally available for the child, e.g., share in the child’s expressions and feelings of joy and excitement through touch and sound
• Continue to use books that illustrate different emotions that children may experience
• Validate the child’s feelings and let them know it is okay to feel the emotions they are experiencing
• Provide balance in both supporting the child and allowing the child space to work through situations independently; use the child’s cues to decide what he or she needs
• Prompt and provide words for what the child may be feeling for more complex emotions